Old is a four letter word

Oh hump day, how you vex me. It's the day of the week where good intentions derail, bad weeks get worse, and if you have a huge about of work to do, you realize there's only two more working days to get it done. 

Let's hop in my time machine, all the way back to Monday night. There was HUGE cause for celebration, because [SPOILER ALERT] the producers of The Bachelor enabled Sean to make the best decision ever, in the history of the show. I told you last week about Tierra, who earned the Villain Edit for the season. Ordinarily, this means she would have wreaked havoc until at least the final three. In this season, our villain's shenanigans were so annoying, so obvious, so heinous, so OBNO, that... wait for it... Sean sent her home IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK on the day he flew his sister to St Croix for some advice. (Speaking of, can we get my brother on The Bachelor so I get to make a big-sister-advice-trip to paradise? JS...) 

You'll find the dent in the middle of her non-sparkly forehead.

Ding dong the witch is dead!! Woo Hoo!!! Of course, she couldn't leave without making some God-awful parting remarks. My personal favorite was her insulting an older "lady" vying for The Bachelor's heart: "When I'm 32, I want to be married and have kids and have everything set," the Las Vegas native scoffs. "Why hasn't she found that? She's 32!" 

Tierra, you can suck it and take your non-sparkly ass home. If I ever see you in person, you will get another dent in your forehead.

Of course, then she got me thinking about how old I am... not necessarily with regarding to marriage, but definitely in relation to having children. Then I was reminded of an ad I heard on the radio. You see, at the Genetics and IVF Institute of Virginia, in order to donate your precious eggies, you must be between the ages of 19 and 31. Yeah.... I kind of missed that margin. Which leads me to believe -irrationally, of course- that my eggies are somehow old and stinky and if I have kids they'll all have demon eyes like Joe Biden. 

Seriously, how creepy was that Tuesday night?

Thankfully, there is another IVF clinic in my region, Egg Donor America, where you can be between the ages of 18 and 34 and still donate your eggs. Whew!

But then, silly math gets in the way. I'm 33 now. Assuming I don't want to have a child out of wedlock, I have to at least another 9 months or so - I'm engaged, but we haven't set a date... long story short, it will likely be in the first quarter of FY14. That makes me at least 34 at time of conception.... Ugh. Now i'm worried about the health of my kids and the state of my body (selfish, I know) after 2 little ones. 

I guess it's never too early to research Mommy Makeovers, huh?